Sometimes I feel like a failure trying to cope with my Aspie-ness. I try to turn a new leaf, but then I regress and think I won’t ever be able to be what neurotypicals call “normal.” Note that I wouldn’t want to be “normal” all-of-the-time because it just isn’t me. However, I would like to be able to read people better and think more thoroughly about the things that I say because I can be cruel, but I have no intention of such. It’s been a few times in the past few days, but at the time, I had no idea of the consequences of my choice of words. To those I have hurt or offended, I am sorry. I just don’t understand how others may interpret what I say. Generally, take me at face value. I generally do not get into innuendo and definitely not body language. Unless I know you very well (for a few months or so), I probably won’t interact much with you.
This week is going to stretch my boundaries considerably because I am going to an event that will be completely out of my comfot zone and I won’t have much of a safety net to fall back into. On the positive side, I come in and will meet others know have no preconcieved notions of who that I am. What will I make of this opportunity? That remains to be seen. Will I talk with people. Or will I go hide in the mountains (literally)? What will I do when I have a meltdown (my meltdowns are not typical for Aspies - I just go into sensory overload and kinda shutdown - many of you who know me have seen me when I have been zombiefied)? Will I make a complete fool of myself? It’s possible. The better question will be if I know that made a fool of myself. I hope so just for the fact that I want to learn about what I do wrong so that I don’t repeat it again.
I’ll update throughout the week on Facebook. I hope everything goes well and that I learn everything I meant to learn and more.